Charlie The Unicorn 4: THE GREAT BOOZE UP!
by BoxOfScraps
Summary: Come on Chaaaarrrrlllie, just a sip! That's alllll it takes, Chaaaaaaarrrrrlllllie!


"Oh God, I have such a headache..." Charlie the Unicorn said as he rubbed his hooves against his head. "At least I don't have to see those-"

"CHAAAARLLLIEEE!" Two voices cried out in the distance.

"Oh, of course, why not." He groaned and quickly pretended to be asleep, hoping the two idiots would just go away.

The two brightly colored unicorns walked over laughing, and then stood over Charlie, watching him with big, creepy smiles.

"I think he's deeeeeead." The blue one said.

The pink one started to jump on top of Charlie as if he was a trampoline. "Let's take his orgaaaaaaaans!"

"I'm not dead, you freaks, get off of me." Charlie shouted from the ground, immensely in agony.

Despite that, the pink unicorn kept on jumping on top of him. "Your organs are bouncy, Charlie, come bounce on your organs!"

"Okay, how can I, if I'M RIGHT FRIGGIN' HERE!" He stood up quickly, knocking the other unicorn off of him. "I'm done with you freaks, the last three or four times we've done this, it's been nothing but-"

"WOOOOOOOOEEEEEE" The two unicorns said in unison.

"Yeah...whatever, it's been nothin' but-"

"WOOOOOOOOEEEEEE!"

"Nothin' but woe, yeah, I get it, you're interupting me, very-"

"WOOOOOOOOEEEEEE!"

"I didn't even freaking start to say that word this time!"

The two unicorns got closer to Charlie, creeping him out a bit. They started to laugh a bit, and then some dramatic music played. "Come with us, Charlie!" The blue one stated.

"What? Why?"

"Allllllll your dreams will come trueeee..." The pink one said in the same eery tone.

Charlie almost smiled...almost, but that wouldn't be like him, now would it. "What, you two are going to die?" The three just stared at each other for like...a minute until the other two unicorns started mooing. "What the hell are you two doing?"

"Signaling the great booze fairy, Charrrrrrllllie!"

"Yes, the great booze queen will cure all your ills!" The other unicorn shouted as a disco ball lowered from the sky somehow.

Charlie noticed the giant random disco ball, but was more focused on the error made. "Wait, is it a fairy or a queen, I'm confused." Suddenly a turtle wearing a sombrero and a Santa Claus outfit flew out of the disco ball. "What in the hell...okay, what is that, like...Mexican Santa Turtle-Claus, or what?"

The turtle...thing stared at him for a moment before the music really started to swell and the surroundings changed to a psychedelic acid trip looking place, with beer floating around everywhere.

"Well, this is totally not a hallucination or anything!" Charlie screamed as he floated into the air, coming face to face with the turtle thing.

_Wheeeen you'reeeee... __**(**_**The turtle-Claus hovered in a circle around Charlie as he sang)**_  
Feelin' blue, and there's nothin' to do, _**(Some blue paint fell on Charlie, and then quickly disappeared.)**_  
And the world seems to hate on you. _**(Some rocks fell on Charlie at that point and he started to really hate this song.)**

"Okay, I'm really starting to hate this song, just like the narrator said!"_  
_

_Just go on and take a swig, and make it big, (_**A shadow started to form over Charlie, but he ****maneuvered away from it quickly to avoid getting hit.)**_  
Cause the world's like a giant pig. (_**And instead a giant pig landed right on top of Charlie instead.)**

"Ow..."

_Beer's your friend, it'll be there to the end,  
And it's the thing on which you can depend. (_**The pig farted and flew away into the sky, leaving Charlie flattened on the ground)**

_Beer, beer, beer, _**(Beer bottles started to come to life and dance around Charlie)**_  
All the answers are here!_

_So don't you have a fear,_

_Better than a banana in your ear! __**(**_**The creepy "bonana" king appeared as a ghost then quickly disappeared)**

"AH! Oh, I see what you did there, very clever."

_Booze booze booze,  
You really just can't loose!,_

_It's the thing you have to choose,_

_So come on and eat some shoes! _**(On "shoes" the beer cans sprouted tap shoes and started to tap dance. A giant stairwell appeared behind Charlie and there were beer cans and bottles at the side of each step. At the top was the Booze Fairy...Queen, dancing down.)**

_So take a gulp_

_Don't be a stupid dope, (_**The music slowed down and the scenery went back to normal.)**_  
And get inebreiated as weeeee hoooooope! _

And then the Booze Fairy...Turtle Queen thing exploded into a million pieces, as usual. Charlie wasn't stunned by this at all. "Yeah, boom, whatever, no surprise there...hey..." He looked around and noticed that everyone was gone. "Where the hell is everyone?" Just then a giant beer bottle fell on top of Charlie and blood came out from under it.

Iron Man flew down seconds later. "I am Iron Man, and...and..." He noticed that there was absolutely no one around at all. "Fuck, I'm too late. I knew I shouldn't have stopped over at Pepper's for a quickie." He nearly had an orgasm at the sight of the giant beer bottle when he caught sight of it. "Santa Maria, look at the size of this thing. I am Iron Man, and tonight I'm gonna get wasted like never before!" He picked it up with ease and flew off into the distance.


End file.
